What’s the Goal, to Cancel or Convert?
Persuasion is an attitude. We usually think of words when we think of persuasion. What can we say to change the other person? What reasons will we use? What arguments? What are the words that will persuade? We have it backwards. Persuasion starts with us. It starts with who we are. It starts with being non-judgmental. Not feeling superior, wiser, or better. Think back. When was the last time you were persuaded to change by someone who obviously thought, not only were you wrong, being wrong meant you were a bad person and should be shunned? Former President Obama recognized the challenge of changing racial attitudes without labeling people racist. In his recent book and in an interview with columnist Ezra Klein about his writing, Obama talked about his thinking. “I knew I wasn’t going to win over any voters by labeling my opponents racist … white voters, including many who supported me, reacted poorly to lectures about race.” He avoided “condemning them for not having gotten to the politically correct answer quick enough, or that somehow they were morally suspect because they had grown up with and believed more traditional values.” Obama added, however, that there is “a psychic cost to not always just telling the truth.” But, “The point was to win. I wanted to prove to Blacks, to whites — to Americans of all colors — that we could transcend the old logic, that we could rally a working majority around a progressive agenda … and then actually deliver the goods.” That attitude is certainly not the norm in today’s politics. As Klein commented, “Coalitions are less emotionally satisfying than confrontations; pluralism doesn’t go nearly as viral as division.” Klein, himself however, sees the “confrontational politics of the modern left” as evidence of a “deep optimism” because those who state clearly that America is a racist country think Americans “can be challenged into change.” On the other hand, he says there is “pessimism in the caution with which Obama speaks.” A pessimism that is shared by those who avoid even implying that America is racist “because they fear the power of the backlash.” Confrontation, however, is not the only way to challenge a person to change. “We can do better” is just as much of a challenge as “you are a racist” and perhaps more effective. Not everyone will change. In politics you work the percentages. If you change just a small percentage of the people, you will change the result. Forty-nine percent is a loss, 55 percent is a landslide victory. What are the dynamics that foster change? Those who study persuasion are pretty united in agreeing on what works. Ask questions. Hear their story. Understand where they are coming from. Connect the change you want to their values. Give them space. Give them time. Act out the behavior in your own life. David Brooks in one of his columns described the process as “a way of relating … a skillful, patient process of walking people to their own conclusions.” Martin Luther King, in his “I Have a Dream” speech did not sugar coat the prejudices, the injustices, the violence faced by Blacks in the South and the North. He located his Dream, however, at the center of the American Dream. “We've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition … This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism ... The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.” He spoke of the “unspeakable horrors of police brutality … the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination … (living) on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity…. languishing in the corners of American society … an exile in his own land. … our children stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity.” He didn’t condemn. He didn’t shame. He appealed to universal values. He affirmed the connection we all have to all. We move forward together toward goals we share. “Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Many of our white brothers … have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.” “And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream …” The incredibly quick change in public opinion about marriage equality for same-sex couples provides an example of what can be accomplished when the attitude changes. In its account of the process, Freedom to Marry, the lead group organizing the effort, starts with 2009 by which time the marriage movement had lost every one of the 30 statewide ballot campaigns designed to ban same-sex couples from marrying. By 2015, same-sex marriage was legal across the country. What changed? The attitude changed. Instead of focusing on gay couples and the rights and benefits denied to them, the emphasis shifted to the love and commitment shared by both straight and gay couples. Their purpose was not to persuade everybody. Rather, they focused on “conflicted” voters who “often knew someone who was gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender ... wanted to be fair and supportive of LGBT people—yet they were not convinced that same-sex couples “deserved” marriage ... (and) felt that domestic partnership or civil union provided the ‘rights and benefits’ that the gay community had been asking for.” The message changed to one “in sync” with the values of the voters they were trying to persuade. “Marriage mattered to gay and lesbian couples for the same reasons that it mattered to straight couples … These conflicted voters responded to the invocation of shared values.” “We kept highlighting the stories of love and commitment …authentic stories, including both straight allies and same-sex couples talking about why marriage mattered to them, and shared stories of the personal journeys of those who had come around to support after years of inner conflict.” Some argue that the coercive tactics of condemnation and cancellation work. They may at times change outward behavior as long as the conflict and pressure continue, but then the adage that dates back at least to the 17th century takes over.
He that complies against his will Is of his own opinion still Which he may adhere to, yet disown, For reasons to himself best known
Persuasion that is ongoing and makes changes for a lifetime cannot be forced on the unwilling. It can be nurtured by an attitude of respect, of seeking to understand, of searching for common values, of accepting that we are all human and doing the best we can. Try it. It works. Better than the alternatives.
Douglas Kane is the author of "Our Politics: Reflections on Political Life" published in 2019 by Southern Illinois University Press [subscribe2]